everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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