Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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