Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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