so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
