Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Who died my cat blue again?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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