it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss