Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
