remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
should my penis look like a turkey
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
