is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
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Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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