If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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