shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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