I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
