Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
