I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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