in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
