Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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