you guys were way drunker than both of me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
