I wanna passion pit in your ass
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
