Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
