it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
