I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
