I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
