yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
