This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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