If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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