she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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