Cold hands, warm shart.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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