listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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