I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
