Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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