We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
