i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let's get the cat blown out
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
