I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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