I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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