The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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