Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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