K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
