she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
