walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Less talking, more tequila
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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