At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
