Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
