is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
