she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
