Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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