I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
