waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
