I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
