I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
