so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
