planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
