He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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