it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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