Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
