I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
NoShamevember. You game?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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