I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
