he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Randomize
