I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
