I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
