i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
