well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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