You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the condom got lost in my hair
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
