After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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