He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
