friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
