k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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