I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize