You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
