now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
