she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
