Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
