New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
