She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
