Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
