just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
