The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
