thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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