Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
