Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
