do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
